As a I sit here today on this beautiful fall morning outside in the fall, I am pondering the fact that this deck is a metaphor for my life this year. It’s a shitty deck. No point beating around the bush.
More than half the rails are gone, there are more holes than not, more rotten boards than good ones. That’s how my life feels this year - someone took some rails off when my dad died and now the world feels less safe, less normal. The rotten boards and holes are the many land mines we have had to walk around, through and over - the endless snow, need for feed, truck rolls, endless truck and trailer repairs, dogs being run over, cows dying, calves dying, 16 year old beloved pets dying, vet bills, horses being lame, cars hitting calves, calving season nightmares are made of, loss of jobs, jobs six hours from home, new jobs that halt some dreams, 7000 new ways a government can put their hands in your pocket (indeed bring cash), sad to say, I could go on.
On the flip side, the deck still holds my chair when I want to have coffee with my dogs, it still holds my barbecue for when I want to cook for my family, it is a place to feed my dogs and cats. Those good qualities reflect our physical health, as it has continued to be one of our blessings, and our support system from near and far - the family and friends who lend a hand, lend a shoulder, lend money, text and call, send thoughts and prayers.
So the deck isn’t all bad, but it’s pretty crappy. So, here’s the thing. A new, better deck can be built. So why haven’t we ripped the crappy one off and started a new one? In what ways can we shed the unbelievable bad stretch of events we have had and start fresh? That’s the question. Maybe we will start by ripping off the deck. I really think if we don’t rip the deck off, it’s going to completely fall apart. I also believe that if we don’t make some significant decisions and life changes, our life and marriage are going to fall apart.
The fact is the deck is not working out, we need a new one. This decision is not working out and we need a new one. This deck may really hurt someone if the fall through, our current life is going to hurt our relationships beyond repair.
Now the question is, what kind of deck do we build? What kind of life do we build? Do we make a newer, bigger, fancier deck? Or a smaller, more for function than style deck. Do we put a cover on it to protect it from weather? Do we put a hot tub in it for warmth and downtime? Do we spend a ton of money and time on this deck? Or do we go for simple and efficient? The same could be said for our life choices.
Truth be told, right now, I am not sure what the new deck will look like. I know I am really over the old one. It is starting to be more hazard than help. I feel the very same about our life. Like the rotting deck boards, something is going to give if we don’t replace it, mental health, marriage, financial fitness. It’s time to talk about the new deck.
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