So many things that we take for granted in this life. The biggest one is time. Time is not eternal in this lifetime. We have limited quantities of it, yet we spend it like we have endless amounts of it. I have been somewhat "off grid" for the past couple months as we lost my dad unexpectedly from an illness that was apparently far more serious than the doctor's led him to believe. He had just turned 66. It took the wind out of my sails and slowed down what momentum I had built up from the insanity that was our spring. I had big plans of blogging and doing youtube videos about ranch life and things that matter to me. It turns out that sometimes you just can't talk about the things that matter the most.
We also take for granted our importance to others. I am a frequent social media poster - with Facebook as my primary platform. Interestingly, I have posted far less in the past couple of months than I normally would. And even more interestingly, not one person has mentioned it. It has also surprised me the people who have kept in touch with me since my dad passed and the ones who have been missing. There really is a lot to be learned when the chips are down. I don't say this with anger or hard feelings, either. I say it as an observation - one that I will keep with me as I invest time into relationships going forward. It seems I do a lot of reaching out and almost always get a response - however, it also seems that there are a token few that reach out to me proactively without just responding. Everyone has their own lives, their own journeys, their own troubles and triumphs. It's important to recognize the people who want, need and value your presence in their lives and you do the same with them and those that are truly a passing acquaintance. With time as a scarce commodity, it should be invested in those that there is a mutual love, bond, connection and commitment with.
This particular blog is not about anything in particular with regards to ranching. Though I have lots of pictures and I have lots of funny and not funny tales to tell about it. They will come as I do want to share. It is just that the last few months haven't been easy, they have shown me that priorities can be changed in an instant. The loss of my dad and people's reactions to it have also taught me a few things. These I will share - my observations or my own experiences:
When someone passes unexpectedly:
- Those who left it all on the table with their loved ones suffer immense loss and grief for all that will not be going forward, yet there is a peace in their hearts
- People who carry grudges and make judgments about others will likely carry the weight of those on top of their grief for all of their lives
- There will ALWAYS be someone who cares more about what they can get out of a situation than the people within it
- There are those who will be incredibly selfish in their grief and those who will be incredibly compassionate and empathetic, prioritizing others' grief and pain over their own
- No two people grieve in the same way
- People inevitably judge how other's grieve based on their perception of what is appropriate
- Those judgments mean shit at the end of the day.
I am sad, I am a bit lost, I am frustrated at the health care system and the hospital in particular. I am also grateful. My dad was not an easy guy. He was not easy to please and he was not easy to love or be loved by. Yet, in the past 5 or so years, he experienced a massive shift in perspective. That shift allowed for a lot of past hurts to be forgiven, though not entirely forgotten. It allowed for a few years of real fun, real respect and real love. I don't know exactly where the shift came from - but I know that I am grateful for it.
And though my being "off-grid", less out there on social media and less of the first to reach out to others to chat seems to have taken me from out of sight to out of mind, my dad being gone nearly two months from our lives, "out of sight" has definitely not taken him out of mind.
PS
