Is Valentine's a "Hallmark" holiday? Probably. Is it advertised and promoted for the sake of retailers making a buck? You bet it is. Are some of those retailers my friends and family? Yep. So, if they have an opportunity to make a bit of money off of something like today, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween or Christmas, I say, Good for you!
I am lucky, 21 and a half years ago I started dating the kid who would become my best friend, lover, husband, father of my children and biggest cheerleader. He has never missed a Valentine's Day with candy and almost always flowers. Is he feeding the capitalist machine? Yep. And I am ok with it. It is like Thanksgiving. It is not that we are not grateful for each other throughout the year. That doesn't mean we can't have a little focus on certain days. It needn't be black or white. Just as it isn't "wrong" to express gratitude on Thanksgiving - better then, then not at all. Or better yet, it is just another day to express gratitude.
Enough about the holiday itself, that isn't why I am writing this. What I really want to say is how blessed I am to have my valentine in my life. Honestly, he is one of the hardest working people I know, he always has been (even when my dad thought he was a good for nothing, foul-mouthed, dumb-shit). He has always had certain priorities for us. I, as the mother, would always have a reliable vehicle that I could shuttle our children safely around in and not worry about a roadside breakdown on a daily basis. I have always had a nice vehicle, right since Day 1, except for the one time we bought a lemon. He marched right back to the dealership not long after we realized it was a lemon, made a rather large public fuss and we left with a different, more reliable vehicle. That is just one example of where his priorities lie.
Some things that he does probably seem like they are never recognized, but I give him sole credit for the fact that I finally was able to develop self-esteem (all-be-it not until I was in my early 30's). He has been my biggest cheerleader. He puts up with my ADHD and changing goals, priorities, careers, mindsets. He has shouldered a large burden when my mental health was at a point where the depression was more prevalent than my personality was. He couldn't for the life of him, understand what I was going through, but he tried every day and he helped and supported despite not understanding.
Most recently, he has held my hand as I have dealt with my accident and the fallout of it. The day that I came off and slammed my head into the fence, the subsequent "scariest moments of his life" when I was seizing on the ground and blacked out after the accident, he was there, despite his aversion to human blood and anything medical. He was a shoulder to cry on when I was terrified of needing to see a neurosurgeon and potentially would need brain or skull re-construction surgery. And for the past 14 months, he has continued to help me deal with the Post Concussion Syndrome's ongoing challenging of memory, inability to handle a lot of stress as well, anxiety, frustration, feeling the need to give up a hard-earned career and our dream home - both that I loved as I couldn't keep up with the required workload. And he has been by my side as I deal with a bit of post-traumatic stress as well in that I have lost my love of riding and am even somewhat terrified of getting on certain horses, which breaks my heart as I have been actively been riding and loving horses for over 35 years.
The last thing about my valentine that I can't help but share is his dedication to his dream. I say his dream because anyone who knows me knows that cows sure as hell are not MY dream. This is where being a good wife comes in and I support his wanting to live this dream and it is a big part of my life, but it's his baby. His baby has caused us nothing but grief for months; we have had equipment breakdowns upon equipment breakdowns, we have had an aborted calf, horses that get out for no particular reason at all, a lice outbreak, not enough hay and not enough time to haul it, and when there is, we have "snowmaggedon" and you are taking your life in your hands to go on the road. He has literally been out in the shop working on something and feeding til no earlier than midnight all but 2 nights of the last 17. Last night he was out working on the tractor until 3, followed by feeding the cows and this morning he got up and went to work.
The moral of the story is, he's kind of a hero of mine. He has busted his ass so that our kids could do things that were financially out of reach for he and I as children, like High School Rodeo and play sports upon sports, and have good horses, a nice truck and trailer to haul in, dependable vehicles and on top of that, he always worked hard to be present at those games and the rodeos, despite working full time. He has been more than a rock for me, a bit more the size of a mountain. He's a good, dependable friend that people always knew they could call on at any time of day or night. He's just an all-around good guy. Now, I can't say he doesn't have flaws. He does. He snores loud... REALLY FREAKING loud. When he's drinking with a few of his buddies - he is always the loudest, up the longest and quite often the drunkest. He chews tobacco behind my back and lies about it when he does. He drives too fast, doesn't stop at stop signs, tends to wreck things because he's a little rammy. But I have flaws too. No one is perfect. What is perfect anyway? It is an unattainable expectation of self and others. That's what it is.
My valentine is not just my valentine today. He's my valentine every day. He makes me be a better me. He holds me in high regard but doesn't hate me when I fail to live up to expectations. He's a great dad and I know he's going to be one of those crazy grandfather's that all the kids love, if and when we have grandkids. I am not sure he understands how much I adore him and most of all appreciate him. I do. I really do. I am also very blessed to have "grown up" as adults with my best friend and someone who could love me and all my flaws. So, to the naysayers of the "hallmark" holiday, I say this: if you show your love and appreciation for your other half every day and don't need a special day to do it - that is awesome! If you are single and you don't have a valentine - that's okay, you don't need to! It's okay to be single! To those who think it's a waste of money holiday, don't spend your money, but if you do, consider shopping local, supporting home business owner friends and find something unique. To those who love Valentine's Day because it means chocolate is on sale on the 15th - don't forget to go shopping tomorrow! It doesn't have to be all or nothing, black or white. We can celebrate Valentine's or not - what we do needn't affect what others do. For me, I am going to take a few minutes and just sit in appreciation for the wonderful Valentine I am blessed to be with and then finish making dinner because the poor guy has been working all day on less than 4 hours of sleep.
Happy Valentine's Day!
