Who the hell is Murphy?

Have you ever heard the song, "Who the F*(& is Alice"?  Well, I want to know who the hell is Murphy and why is he hanging around my place!  What is Murphy's Law?  It says that "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong".  There is no known "Murphy", though it is assumed that it may have come from someone in the military during WWII.  

2018 has kicked off with a boatload of Murphies happening around Rydyn High and I would like to find him so I can kick him in the crotch! Honestly, our lives could conjure up a pretty damn good country song right now.  However, here is how we deal with Murphy around here... Laughter.  They say it's the best medicine.  I 100% believe this to be true.  If you can't laugh, you are usually stuck crying (not that crying doesn't happen on occasion).  So, I have heard from a few friends that we aren't the only ones tripping over Murphy to kickstart the new year.  This blog's for you.  

I thought it would be good to vent my frustration while adding a little humour to it.  Sometimes all you need is to get it off your chest.  Most of you know that I run an energy healing, equine facilitated learning and personal growth business.  Of course, I need to practice what I preach - positive thinking, the law of attraction, meditating for peace, blah blah blah.  Just kidding, I do believe in it all.  There are days though when I want to say to hell with it and go back to bed and ignore the whole wide world!  

So, let's recap some of the good times that have occurred since the first of the year.  We will start with the $1100 power bill... Yep, you read that right, $1100.  This is a topic that could get me right off the rails.  First, there is the BC Hydro thing - the whole government backed BC monopoly phenomenon that literally makes me want to scream at the utter stupidity at the voters who have allowed these monopolies (BC Hydro, ICBC, etc) to stay in "business" screwing the people of the province over for decades.  Google ICBC lawsuits - the sheer amount of hits ought to tell its own story.  So, why, oh why, oh why, would anyone with a natural gas pipeline running through their property, not 100 meters from the house, not put in a gas furnace?  Why?  Yet, that's what happened when this house was put onto this place more than a decade ago - electric furnace.  So, you can imagine that once we got the bill, hubby picked me up off the floor where I had passed out in anger and shock and we went to town to buy tile to put the woodstove in as it had immediately flown to the top of the priority list.  What's funny about this story?  The whole laughter is the best medicine thing?  Ummmm.  Okay, so maybe I can't really find the humour in the raping by BC Hydro... better move onto the next thing.

Let's talk about the horses getting out... First, let me take you back to briefly recap one of the conversations we had a year ago around selling our place in Clive.  Wife: "I am tired of half-assing things, everything we are doing on our place is half-assed because we don't have the time or money to do it right, I just want to be able to do things all the way".  Husband: "I agree, it will be much easier once we have more time and money in our simplified lifestyle".  Fast forward one year...  This fall, we did some fencing - quite a lot of fencing.  The place we bought here has not been actively farmed for over 8 years, so what was here when we bought was falling down, broken wires and overall needs re-doing.  We fenced a bunch in one field so that the horses could winter there and the cows could go there after they calved.  There are about 100 feet of fence at the corner that didn't get completed - however, I was assured that the trees and crap would keep the horses from venturing out that corner.  And it did, for 5 months.  One January morning, wife: "I think we should feed the horses a bale", Husband: "They are fine for a few days", Wife: "But the cows get fed every day", Husband: "But the cows are going to make us money" (wife in her head thinks - after loans and expenses, "making" money is a stretch and we have horses for sale that are going to make us money).  Next day: Knock, knock, oh hi neighbour!  Hi, did you know your horses are all out and up the road?  They have been about 5 miles from home and back to a mile north this morning.  No, I didn't know, I guess I will go get them in since hubby is at work and daughter is at school.  (If they would have had a bale, they would still be in... Sure they won't get out that corner of the fence)...  Needless to say, the horses were put back in.  The horses got a bale, and then the assholes escaped again... Now that they know there is a hole, apparently they are going to use it.  Add another thing to the "Must get done list".  

As I am driving in to watch our daughter play basketball one afternoon, going up the big hill by our place full of twists and turns, somehow, I got over too far and got sucked in by the snow in the berm from the grater and ditched my truck (in the flattest most open part of this crazy hill).  Thankfully, by some weird stretch of luck, I actually had cell service and hubby came and pulled me out.  Despite planting the side of my truck in the bank of the hill, somehow there was literally not a scratch on it (ha ha Murphy, take that!).  However, Murphy came back to finish the job on this task, for a couple days later, it was really icy in all the places where we always park our vehicles, so I moved them around so that the ice could melt off in the warmer weather.  Well, hubby forgot that everything was moved around and smashed into one of the ones I had moved around with the tractor and some bales - that DEFINITELY left more than a scratch or two.  

What else, I mean, the country song could go on... Hubby cleaned out the one barn so we can start to use it - the former owners had chickens - OODLES of chickens - so he scraped that all out with the tractor and dumped it in the dump pile... Guess what 2 Bernese dogs and a border collie puppy did?  They found the pile of 10-year-old chicken bones... And they puked and puked and puked... Inside, outside, everywhere... Dog puke full of chicken bones... Yep, cleaning that up is a gagging good time.  

Oh yeah, one of the other neighbours called and said that one of our horses was by the road (actually inside the fence this time) with his foot through a mineral tub - sure enough, there he was, standing there with it wrapped around his leg like a big ol' bell boot.  Not a scratch on the lucky bugger.  What can you do but laugh?

There are so many things that go wrong on a day to day basis... The bills that come in unexpectedly, the dog that has a heart murmur and requires $400 in bloodwork... the cow mineral at $1400... the power bill at $1100... buying supplies for woodstove installation at $500... it seems never ending some days.  But I learned long ago never to say, it can't get worse.  Because it can.  It can always get worse.  And you know what?  There is SO much good stuff to offset the bad.  We get crazy stories to share that I am sure no one believes.  We have our health, all four of my immediate crew are healthy and that is a God-given gift right there as we know people who are too young to be fighting cancer, who have arthritis and diabetes, who are dealing with chronic illness and pain.  We aren't and for that, we have to be so grateful.  We have a beautiful piece of property, albeit with falling down fences and buildings, escaping horses and cows, enough burdock to choke many many elephants and a to-do list 10 miles long, but we have neighbours that don't even know us that are willing to dog sit, farm sit, help us out when we need to get cows or horses back in.  We have people we don't even know volunteer to come out and do chores while we go to Vegas.  We have old bachelors who stop by and give us a welcome to the neighbourhood card just because he thought it would be nice.  Hubby has a job after a long year of hell working for a company in Alberta and though we definitely miss the income, we don't miss the stress.  I don't miss seeing him look like crap every day like the weight of the world is on his shoulders, I have to admit, I do LOVE the new physique he is rocking with all of the physical labour around here and at his job.  I am able to stay home and do my university courses and plan my garden and cook healthy food and enjoy being a rancher and a mom and wife and not feel like I have to be at a job (for now).  

And we laugh... we laugh at all the stupid crap that happens.  Why not?  There was a time when it all would have made me completely explode.  Now, we laugh.  We laugh with the neighbours that the damn horses got out again and pick at Josh for not giving them some hay.  We laugh at the fact that of course our damn cows have lice and we have to add making a chute and processing them for that to Josh's one day off this week.  We laugh at the fact that it seems like sometimes absolutely nothing goes our way because we know that under it all, we still have it really good.  We have our health.  We have a piece of land where the opportunity is endless (even though the money very much is not, lol).  Our daughter is doing well in school and has friends, lots of friends, more than we can count or ever begin to know all of them.  We have truly amazing neighbours.  We have cows which makes hubby weirdly ecstatic.  I have my schooling which does the same thing for me as his cows do for him.  We have a marriage of just months shy of 20 years that is better now than it has likely ever been despite the odd hiccups.  So, we laugh.  Because it could be worse.  It could be so much worse... Money comes and goes, there are always ways to make more of it.  The important things are intact - family, health and love - so, therefore, we get to laugh.  So put that in your pipe and smoke it, Murphy!

Choose your words carefully

I pride myself on being a work in progress, though I am also fine just the way I am.  The past few months, I have been working with a new process that helps get to the root of my limiting beliefs, processes them and resets the thought patterns.  It is in this work that I found myself returning to a time in my life I would prefer to forget.  

I grew up in a small rural community that was predominantly settled by people of one religion.  That is to say that when I got on the school bus in Kindergarten, I was the only child in my K-9 school that was not that religion.  While I am sure my dad had to deal with the same types of situations that his children were later subjected to, he chose to raise us in the same place he was born and raised.  

For years (and I mean YEARS as I am now 40), I have had a heart-stopping moment every single time a text or email came to me or my phone rang.  This happened at home and at work. I never understood it and found it frustrating.  I would literally hold my breath when opening an email or text and pray it wasn't bad.  You see, I was always expecting it to be someone mad at me or that they were going to tell me something that they didn't like about me or that I did wrong.  Today, I remembered the source of that heart-stopping fear that has been ongoing for 31 years.

As I went through my K-9 years, I had a few kids that would be nice to me from time to time.  Some that would even try to be my friend for awhile.  One in particular, was the daughter of one of my dad's friends through school and while they, too, were of the same religion, that must have given her more tolerance for us outsiders (her brothers were also good to my sister and brother).  Then there was a gal who moved in that came from a community where she was an outcast due to the opposite reason as mine, then another 2 non-church families moved to town.  This made it easier to have some friends, but I always felt on the verge of being cast out until high school when I moved to a different school with a bit more diversity.  

I remember a time in Grade 3 when I accidentally said oh my God and was absolutely annihilated by my classmates that were in the room at recess when I did it.  However, that wasn't the trigger of my decades of fear and worry about opening a text or email.  That happened in Grade 4.  I had been hanging out with one of the girls in the class and she had invited me over a couple times for a sleepover.  Apparently, that didn't sit well with someone else in the class.  She penned a very nasty note of hate - I remember that word being in there a number of times.  I also remember her telling me that I was stupid, poor and nobody liked me and that this other girl was only pretending because she had felt sorry for me, but she no longer wanted to hang out with me either.  The whole thing oozed meanness and hatrid for my perceived difference.  My only crime was to be born to a family that did not participate in the same religion as everyone else at my school.

The point of this is not a pity party - I don't want that or expect that.  What I want is to share this as a learning opportunity.  The old sticks and stones saying?  Bull shit.  Words stay with you for a long time.  Words can hurt for a long time.  Words can cause someone to have anxiety, to go into depression, to commit suicide.  WORDS HAVE POWER.  Choose your words carefully.  Teach your kids to choose their words carefully.  I guarantee that young girl has no idea that she wreaked havoc on the last 31 years of my life.  She probably only has a vague recollection of me, if any.  However, she broke my heart and she caused me to live in irrational fear for so many years.  She made me believe I was worthless and unworthy of love.  All from a one-page handwritten note put on my desk in Grade 4.

We need to choose compassion and kindness.  As a species, we need to treat each other better.  We need to look past the outside trappings of race, class, gender and see the soul on the inside.  There is so much hate and meanness - you have only to breeze through your social media feeds to see it.  "Be the change you wish to see in the world" as Gandhi says.  It can start with each of us.  

I knew that when I was working on this issue that it was meant to be a lesson, not just for me, but for me to share with others to encourage a different way of thinking.  To encourage us to talk to our kids about what they say to someone in a Snapchat picture, text message, Kik, Facebook, Twitter and more.  It takes very few words to impact someone's whole life and outlook on themselves.  Why not make that impact positive?  

Mother of an adult child? I am not ready for this :(

It has been a long time since I blogged and this isn't some highly controversial topic, so whether it gets read or not will remain to be seen.  To be honest, if it doesn't, it's okay with me as I am writing this one for me.

Today is a momentous day in our lives.  Our first born child turns 18.  That means he is now an adult.  No longer a child.  So what? He's only a day older than yesterday, right?  True, but so much changes with the stroke of midnight on the first legal birthday.

All of a sudden, he can vote.  He can go to the bar (in Alberta, anyhow).  He can get married without my permission.  He can get a tattoo without my permission.  Borrow money (from someone other than us).  His taxes go up.  He starts paying into government programs that he will likely never get to use.  It's all just a little too much for me to wrap my head around.

This is all mixed up with immense pride at how far he has come.  How he has grown from tiny baby of 7lbs 10oz to 135lbs of man (that just does NOT seem right - man???)?  How can it possibly be 18 years since we were in the hospital in Lacombe dealing with awful back labour and every doctor, intern, nurse and random guy off the street was popping in to check the expansion of my nether regions?  How can it be 18 years ago since members of both sides of the family were sitting in the waiting room waiting on news of the first grandchild on either side of the family (for my mom on my side at least)?  

 Why does all of this looking back make me want to bawl my eyes out?  It's not like we have raised a serial killer or I am concerned about him being a deadbeat or that I think he's going to be living a lonely, sad existence.  I am not.  He has good morals, he is a hard worker, he's smart, he's so kind and genuine, he has good taste in friends and in girlfriends and he is good to his family.  All of these are things for hubby and I to be proud of.  From our own early days as a young married couple without a clue what to do with this baby we had planned for to today with a really good life - we managed to raise a smart, kind, loyal, able-bodied, funny, genuine young man.  So, why the sadness?  Why the aching heart?  Why the tears?

Here's what I think.  I think that it is all a little too much, too soon.  I mean, from the time they are born, we are always thinking about how we can't wait until they say mama or dada and we can't wait til they walk, can't wait til they go to school, can't wait til they go out into the world... The fact is, we wish away so much time.  Even if we are enjoying the moment, we are still wishing for the next big milestone.  Well, one of them is here right now and I don't like it.  I don't want it to be time yet.  I am not ready.  Dammit, I AM NOT READY.

It's not that I feel old.  I don't care about my age.  I am still alive, I am in pretty good health, I have a good life.  It is just a number.  What I feel is sad.  I wish I could go back and slow those moments down.  That I would have hugged him a little longer, snuggled with him a few more times.  I wish I could put into words how full my heart is of love and pride.  I wish that I hadn't wished so much away. I feel like I just want to go back in time and start again.  Chances are, if we did, we would screw it up, but I am just not ready to be done with my job.  Our daughter is probably going to hate me because I will be needing to feel like I have to hang on to her a bit tighter and smother her a bit more for the next 2 1/2 years.

The hardest thing I ever did in my life aside from saying goodbye to my grandmother what I felt was 20 years too early, was leaving our boy in Alberta when we moved.  In a sense, he has been an adult since July 20, 2017 as he has been on his own since then.  But this sort of finalizes it.  It is sort of like someone has taken a machete to the last invisible remnants of the umbilical cord and sliced it away.  For as much as I am proud and full of love and hope and happiness for his future, I am sad that 18 years went by so fast.

Take my advice... Hold onto the moments.  Don't wish away time.  Don't wish that you had more time to go on vacation, that you had more time to read and do all the things YOU want to do.  Just embrace the little moments, celebrate the big ones and do yourself and your kids a favour and be present.  Get off your phone.  Get them off theirs.  Take pictures but don't get so busy taking pictures that you forget to enjoy the memories your are capturing.  Hug them a little longer than is comfortable for them.  When they want to snuggle, don't brush them off because you have stuff to do.  The stuff will wait.  And in the end, if you are like me, even if you do all of that, you are still going to wish you had done more.  You are going to think that it went by too fast.

We only get them for a short time even though it may seem like forever when you first feel that nudge of life within you.  They should never doubt they are loved by their parents... EVER.

He's 18 today.  My heart is full, so are my eyes.  It went by too fast.  I am so not ready for this, but it's not about me anymore, it's all him.  I know he's going to do great things and make his mark in this world.  I hope he just remembers once in awhile to call his mom.  To tell her he loves her.  To come home to visit.  To snuggle on the couch like we used to, even when he's 40.

Who would have thought this would be such a bittersweet day?  I am just so not ready for this...

How much can the rural Canadian take?

Alberta Farm Express Article

Financial Post Article

Western Producer Article

It seems that yet again, there are upcoming changes that are not supposed to be aimed at the working class that are going to impact the bottom line of many throughout the country.  It is getting to the point where we are going to be working until October to pay the government instead of June with so many taxes on everything.

The move to BC from Alberta has definitely brought with it an unpleasant shock of how the PST really affects the bottom line of your budget.  We knew there was tax when we moved here, it's not that we didn't, but when you go to pick up $650 worth of windows and your bill is $728 of your after income tax paid earnings, it starts to feel like you are spinning your wheels to go nowhere.  5% GST is first and then PST of 7%.  

When we look at what the Liberal government is proposing, as one of the people who will definitely be affected by the changes, I am a little tired of being nickel and dimed to death.  Oh wait, I am a lot tired and it's Loonie-d and Toonie-d to death.  The Liberal government has yet to define what they perceive is the "middle class".  Is middle class everyone just above the poverty line to $60,000/year or does it actually consider the actual Median total income by family in Canada in 2015 was $80,940?  

With all of the changes thrown at us both from an agricultural perspective and a business perspective, plus minimum wage changes coming up in both BC and Alberta, Bill 6 in Alberta, NDP governments in both provinces looking to tax the middle and upper to support the lower, it feels damn near impossible to get ahead.  The impact all of these changes will have on our rural communities could be huge.  Will the businesses be able to stay viable?  Will farmers give up and just sell their land to the big corporations?  Will there be any time or money left at the end of the day to enjoy what we all are supposedly working toward?

We worked our butts off to get to where we are today.  Prior to moving we were in the 35-45 age group with dual income and a sizable income tax bill every year.  Yet, every year we have paid it.  Mostly without complaint.  The reason we don't complain is because we believe in infrastructure advancements, health care benefits, education for the masses.  What we don't believe in is lining politicians pockets with our hard-earned money.  We also don't believe that the hard-working achievers of the world need to support those who choose to sit on their asses instead of getting out there and going to work.  Do I think there are those who legitimately need support as they are unable to work?  Absolutely.  Do I think that there are people on assistance and EI that should be working, you bet I do.  I love the idea of socialism and taking care of each other.  It is a fantastic ideal.  But shouldn't those of us who work hard to make a better living for ourselves be left with enough money at the end of the day to look after our own first?  

According to a Fraser Institute report done in 2014, the average family's tax bill has risen by 1832% since 1961.  We start with income tax - federal and provincial (pre-deduction if there is any left after the government continues to make changes to the system), the average of which is 42% according to a National Post article from 2014 (probably higher now).  So, we are down to $0.58/dollar earned.  Now we have GST at 5%, PST at 5 - 8% in various provinces, property taxes, fuel taxes, import taxes, land transfer taxes and of course sin taxes.  What does that leave to use for groceries, clothing and shelter?  

This begs the question - at the end of the day, what do I get for my tax dollars?  Military?  Well, I guess it's nice that we can send Peace Keepers to other locations in the world with less than stellar equipment (until we buy new planes from Boeing so we can help them out with tax dollars for the umpeenth time), but we don't take care of our veterans when they get home.  Education?  Well, public education is subsidized so that bill is only going to be a couple hundred dollars for our one child in school this year, however when looking at University courses and costs for a 4 year undergrad program, we are looking at about $80,000 out of pocket.  Infrastructure?  Well, BC & Alberta have pretty good highways, so I guess that's good, though I would love for the construction fairies to do all their work when it doesn't inconvenience me, kidding.  However, when we look at the wildfire fighting crapshow going on in BC right now, I am not so sure that the infrastructure dollars are that well spent.  Health care?  This one grinds me.  As a relatively healthy family of four, we don't see the doctor a lot, thank goodness.  We do have a few monthly prescriptions which cost us around $150/mth and another $150 for BC Care (provincial health care), which is $3600 minimum a year out of our pocket, plus the $75/bi-weekly that we pay for my husband's crappy benefit plan at work, so that is another $1800.  Despite the fact that we pour so much of our tax dollar into the health care system, a relatively healthy family is still paying $5400/year for health care services.  (This does not include the cost of physiotherapy, chiropractic, massage, etc.)  Our homeless shelters are overflowing, there is still an unacceptable level of poverty in our country given how much money we send elsewhere to third-world countries in support, our veterans are left high and dry, our seniors are treated like animals in assisted living facilities that aren't staffed properly or fit for anyone, let alone someone who has spent their time contributing to our great nation.

It is no wonder that everyone feels pinched and is utilizing the options available to them through succession planning on farms, income splitting through businesses and every other possible solution as we are already paying an incredible amount of tax and I really don't think we are getting much bang for our buck.  Do I think that the millionaires need to pay their fair share?  Yes, I do.  Do I think that we need to look out for each other and take care of our neighbours, yes I do.  Do I think that the tax money could be spent better?  Absolutely.  

Our family is what I would call the upper-middle class from an income perspective and we worked damn hard to be here.  With all of the taxes calculated in, I would say that in our years as tax payers we have contributed more than a million dollars in taxes to the system (probably more, but I can't bear to do the calculation).  I can't say that I feel like that million dollars was well spent and I certainly don't want to have to donate more of our hard earned money to the various levels of government so that they can mismanage it.  Imagine if we had that money at our disposal to invest it into the economy and grow it and make our communities a better place.  

It is time to get educated, write letters, make noise.  I am concerned about how these changes will affect my family, but more importantly, I am concerned about how it will affect rural communities throughout the country which is a demographic that no one in the current provincial (BC & Alberta specifically as my knowledge of the others is not first hand) and federal governments seem to give a damn about.

Where is the love?

How in 2017 can we possibly still live in a world where we have rallies of white supremacists?  How?  I can not fathom why this type of thinking even still exists in this day and age.  Extremist groups of any form are scary and it doesn't matter what the collective "ideal" is that joins them together.  

As someone who lives a pretty mundane existence, grew up on a ranch in Southern Alberta when the school I went to from K-9 was 99% mormon and 100% white with the exception of a couple first nations foster kids throughout the 10 years I went to school there.  I went to high school in a town with the Blood Indian Reserve right next door, some who attended our school and very little else in terms of racial diversity.  From there I have lived in primarily caucasian and primarily Christian locations, not because we chose that, but because it is the nature of rural Alberta.  Despite my upbringing surrounded by people of my own "colour", I have no ill will towards any other race or ethnic group.  (I won't get started on how I feel about religion - that's a blog for another day).

If a caucasian, small town Alberta girl can have an open mind and heart to live and let live, why can't everyone?  Many days, I wish that people presented to each other as souls and not as human flesh.  Would we be so quick to judge then?  If all we saw was another's deepest desires, their longing to be loved and accepted, their ambitions, dreams and fears, would we still have hate in our hearts?  To me, it is no different if you are LGTBQ or any other variation.  The only place that I draw the line is at those that harm others with criminal intent.  Once you have crossed that line, I can no longer support your "right" to certain freedoms.  You chose to forfeit those when you committed criminal acts.

At the end of the day, what difference does it make to anyone if my skin is purple, brown, green, white or orange?  Does it change who I am on the inside?  If I prefer to sleep with women instead of men, does that make me someone less worthy of love, kindness and compassion?  Who would I be harming in those situations?  No one.  So, why do people judge?  Why do they assume they have the right to judge?  Why do people feel they have a right to be superior over any other human?

In my work as a lightworker or energy healer, I firmly believe that we are all made of energy.  When you break every person, plant and animal down to the barest of bones, we are molecules and atoms banging around together making us a certain form.  If every single person on earth is made up of energy, are we not all one and the same?  And if that line of thinking were true, then how can any one person be "better" energy than another?  

When it comes down to it, we have choices to make.  We can choose to be part of the problem, or we can choose to rise above, choose to educate ourselves, act in kindness and love.  Even more importantly, we can lead by example, we can teach our children and our loved ones to treat others with kindness and love.  Wars could not be created if everyone acted out of love and compassion and worried less about money, power and greed.  Can you imagine the vibration of the world's energy if every person acted in kindness instead of hate?  How amazing would it be to see each person you pass on the street smiling and greeting others?  How terrific to see people helping those less fortunate in whatever way possible?  

Do people really willingly choose hatred and fear?  Why?  Because they don't know better?  That is no excuse in this day and age.  Those of us who do not choose it need to retaliate against the hate, the fear, the rage.  However, we must be strategic in our retaliation.  Destroying symbols of the extremist groups is simply sinking to their level.  We must retaliate with love.  Kindness. Compassion.  Set an example for others, educate some, stand up for those less fortunate, the down-trodden, those who cannot stand up for themselves.  Small acts of kindness in our every day lives go a long way.  We need to do them not because we will be recognized for it, not because others are watching, but because it is the right thing to do.  We need to look into the eyes of the souls of the people we come across and not look at their clothes, colour, religion, sexual orientation.  

Will you join me in standing up and spreading love?  One person really can make a difference.  Can we show the world where the love is?  Of course we can, but will we?

Common Sense - Where are you?

What in the world has happened to our human race?  Why is common sense a thing of the past? I can think of so many examples of common sense being thrown out the window.  In particular, what has me fired up right now, if you'll pardon the pun, is the idiots in fire ban areas having campfires (non-propane) and throwing their cigarette butts out the window.  

You would need to be literally living under a rock in BC to not know that the province is on fire.  Even my father-in-law who lives off the grid with no power lines or cell phones knows.  If you have walked outside anywhere in the province south of Prince George in the past week alone, you would have seen smoke 4 out of 7 days or more in most areas.  You would have smelled it.  God knows as obsessive as people are about social media these days that you would have read about it, heard it in a coffee shop, seen it on the news, heard it on a radio.  There is no way that you can convince me that someone has not heard about this.

Just this morning I read an article about a fatality occurring in BC due to a cigarette butt being thrown out a window.  Someone stopped, picked it up, followed them and threw the cigarette butt at the woman who had tossed it.  A fight followed and one person ended up dead from hitting their head on the counter in Starbucks after being punched.  Now I am not saying this is the right way to handle this situation, but I can understand the frustration behind the punch.

There have been a number of people fined for having campfires in fire ban areas.  Someone was celebrating his return home to his evacuated community by getting drunk and setting off fireworks.  What in the hell is wrong with people?  Have we become such a selfish and entitled first world culture, that we don't even comprehend anything outside of our own perceived reality?  How could anyone possibly think that having a fire right now is a good idea?  I won't even use our barbecue.  Not only do I not want my place going up in flames in the tinder dry conditions, but I can't imagine how I would feel if I was the cause of my neighbours losing their livestock, their homes, their livelihoods. 

People are up in arms because they aren't "allowed" to ride their ATVs in the crown land. I love quadding and it is a ton of fun; it is a great way to spend a weekend.  It is not worth sparking a fire and lighting a thousand hectares on fire though.  Not for a couple hours of fun for me.  

These kinds of selfish acts make me mad.  Who never taught these people to think about someone other than themselves?  Where I grew up, we were outcasts in the community due to our not being a part of the predominant religion and yet my parents and grandparents still taught us the importance of family, friends, looking out for others less fortunate, contributing to the greater good where possible, building a better community one quilt or one dinner or one small gesture at a time.   Where is this message lacking these days?

I wish I had the answer, unfortunately, I truly don't know where that gap is.  The fact is, we have surrounded ourselves throughout our lives with like-minded people.  We have volunteered in many ways to help build stronger communities, assisted neighbours, cooked meals for busy friends and been on the receiving end as well.  How can people grow up with no common sense?  No sense of something bigger than themselves?  So incredibly entitled?  

If you have thoughts on it, I would love to hear them.  My sentiment is that we have gotten too far away from the Darwinian principles.  We have bubble wrapped the people who should have perished from their own stupidity long ago, and instead they are a danger to the rest of the world.  If you don't know that the coffee you are ordering from Tim's is hot, you shouldn't be out on your own, you certainly shouldn't need a cup warning you about it.  If you cannot comprehend that the bears on the side of the road in the national park and backcountry are WILD animals and not a backdrop for an up-close selfie, you probably deserve to get eaten by the bear.  If you break into someone's house and you get shot - that is karma, that is a natural reaction of self defense - that is not someone infringing on your rights as a human being.

Every day, our news and social media feeds are full of things that some idiot has done because they are selfish and feel entitled to something which in turn has endangered them (oh darn) or endangered others, the environment or more.  Instead of an $1150 fine for having a fire in a fire ban area, I think that they should have to put in 115 hours on the front lines with the firefighters.  But no, that would be "too harsh".  

Unfortunately, most of the entitle folks I have met, are not willing to be educated out of their selfish ways.  So, now I am asking, what can we do to have a more other-ish culture going forward.  The kind that takes care of our elderly, that ensures our veterans of all ages and from all combats have food and clothing, that would never consider having a fire in the midst of the worst wildfire season in over 60 years?  How can we bring our children up to be other-ish, to think about the greater good, the environment, the neighbours, the animals?  

I don't know if we have succeeded, but I know we have damn sure tried with our kids and we have tried to instill it in other ways through our own volunteerism and leading by example.  I am in no way perfect and I have been known to be selfish on occasion, but I am always aware that my actions have a reaction and it is important that the reaction will not hurt other people, animals or the environment.  

Who Says I Should?

I always meant for this blog to be a trip through the random thoughts in my brain, not just horse and rodeo related thoughts.  My last blog had 130 views which is insane.  Prior to that my most viewed blog was 46.  So, WOW!  The power of a few shares on social media!

This morning as I was doing my "morning pages" part of a project I am doing called the Artist's Way created by Julia Cameron, I had a couple thoughts come to me.  I was reminiscing on yesterday and how much unpacking I had done, tidying, sorting and trying to make our new house a home.  As I was doing that, I also thought about my indulgent binge watch of ShadowHunters on Neflix starting at about 8:30.  What came next is what has me drawn to blog about it.

As I was thinking about the 5 episodes I watched until 12:30 or so in the morning, I started to feel guilty that I hadn't gone out and rode my horse instead or that I didn't finish unpacking the boxes in the kitchen.  All these "shoulds" were going through my brain.  "Instead of wasting time watching TV, you should have been going out for a ride, you should have been painting the last bit of bathroom that needs a second coat, you should have been unpacking the last two boxes in the kitchen, you should have, you should have, you should have."

To that, I say - WHO SAYS I SHOULD?  Why do I have this inner voice that guilts me at every single turn?  Why have we created such an existence where a little downtime is something to feel guilty for.  I left my job at the Credit Union one month ago due to our relocation and ever since then, despite fitting in ridiculous amounts of things in a month, all I could think is that I should have done more.  How much can one person do?  I am not superwoman.  I know that.  So, why do I hold myself to such unrealistic standards?

So, what I am really pondering is where the voice in my head is coming from?  Is it my mom and dad in some buried memory?  I don't think so as my mom was a farm wife who baked, cooked, cleaned, ranched, helped with calving, drove us to 4-H and sports and still had time to watch Another World and General Hospital in the afternoons most days.  Dad worked a day job (after his years as a long haul trucker) and he ranched in the evenings, but he almost always sat in his recliner after dinner for a drink and a smoke and a relax.  My grandmother was one of the hardest working women I knew and she still took time to play in her flower beds, read a book on a lawn chair in the sun.  

Is it my husband?  Is he behind the "shoulds"?  No, I really don't think so.  He is an incredibly hard working guy and he doesn't make a lot of time for downtime as he likes to keep busy, but I don't recall him ever telling me that I should be doing something other than what I was doing.  Sometimes I feel lumped in with the kids during his "lazy ass" rants at them when he's frustrated at them; I honestly don't think he means me when he does them though.  

So, why?  Why do I feel this overwhelming sense that if I sit still too long, I am a useless bum?  Why does sitting on the ground playing with the dogs feel like something I should hide from people?  Sitting in my backyard enjoying a beer or wine makes me feel guilty.  

It has to stop.  I am guessing somewhere buried in my psyche, I felt unappreciated or unlovable or something that has me in a guilty flurry mentally every time I stop doing.  A big part of our relocation was for us to slow down the almighty chase for the dollar, the constant 24/7 nature of the oilfield, the 2 full time jobs, 2 kids in multiple activities that we could never attend, 20+ horses and dogs that forgot what we looked like.  Not having a job has me rattled as other than mat leaves, I have worked for the past 24 years.  Not having a job off the ranch doesn't make me an unemployed bum, though.  It is not a reason to feel inadequate.

It's time to grab this bull by the horns and castrate the sucker.  I refuse to live my days feeling guilty every time I sit down.  I am going to work on shutting that voice in my head up, or at the very least spinning it to a positive vibe. How enjoyable can life be if we never sit still and enjoy the moment?  I want to be able to have a FaceTime conversation with my friend or sister and not think about what I "should" be doing.  I want to go for a ride on my horse and not worry about the fact that I didn't sweep the floors before I left.  I want to putz around in my garden and flowers and not feel like I should get a job and do something "worthwhile" with my time.  So, that's what I am going to do.  It will take time to break some of these habits and self-talk that is disturbing my peace, but I am determined to let this new adventure actually sink in, enjoy conversations with friends back home, enjoy spending time with my daughter just hanging out in the pool or backyard, enjoy throwing a frisbee or ball for an hour with a crazy dog, watch the horses eat grass, on occasion binge watch some silly show on Netflix. 

Life is too damn short to get so tied up in the shoulds that we don't enjoy the NOW.  What we SHOULD be doing is smelling the roses, spending time with our loved ones as we never know what tomorrow could bring, walking the dog, enjoying the beautiful bounty of mother earth, the smell of horse sweat on a nice long ride.  So, that's what I am going to do!  My challenge is for you to do it too, especially if you are a "should-er" like me.